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How to Deal with Misdirected Anger

In the past couple of weeks more than once I have been the victim of misdirected anger, people just finding the nearest people to let their feelings out but in a negative way.

On most occasions it was a wrong place wrong time sort of thing, but one of the times I took it personally, to detrimental effect. I took it personally because I was led to believe that I was to blame, and I got all worked up because of that.

At that time I had been trying really hard not to do exactly what I had done, so there was also some disappointment in myself. However in hindsight it was just something small I did being the straw that broke the camel’s back for them, and in turn for me.

This is exactly the sort of time when Uketamo can make a huge difference. The first thing you need to do is try your hardest to take your emotions out of the equation. If you let your emotions run rampant, you can’t take a step back and assess the situation for what it really is. For all you know you may not be at fault at all, but your emotions get in the way of you understanding that. Don’t let them.

It’s best for both parties to take some time away and see what the real problem is. It could be something completely different that has been brewing in the background for a while. By giving yourself time like this, you also give yourself a chance to address the underlying issue. This also gives you practice at dealing with such situations in the future too.

Over time, I’ve realised that I think anger is a waste of time. While it could be good for doing something in the spur of the moment, for example in sports, I don’t think anger is very useful overall. If you come to be known as an angry person, it really reflects badly on you, you become seen as uncontrollable and unpredictable, the exact opposite of what a good person should be.

So, while it may be difficult to do in the situation, you have to try your hardest to keep a cool head and act calmly, even if that’s the last thing you feel like doing in the moment. And that’s exactly it, it’s just a moment and like all moments, it will pass. Just give it a bit of time.

Tim Bunting Kiwi Yamabushi


Hi, I’m Tim Bunting AKA the Kiwi Yamabushi, a New Zealander who became a Yamabushi Ascetic in the Dewa Sanzan mountains of north Japan. I’m part of the Yamabushido team, and we host life-altering Yamabushi training on the Dewa Sanzan (website link). People come to us for the ultimate mindfulness experience, to reach the next level, or simply connect with nature and themselves.

I’m on a mission to summit all 100 Famous Mountains of Yamagata Prefecture to spread the splendour of this fabulous location, and in dedication to all those who lost their lives out in nature, including my father.

On my daily blog I post thoughts of a practicing Yamabushi that I hope people can use to better themselves and live as fulfilling a life as possible.

Sign up to the weekly Mountains of Wisdom newsletter, follow me on social (Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, Twitter, TikTok, Clubhouse, all @kiwiyamabushi), or send me an email via the link below to stay in touch.



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Sakata City, Yamagata, Japan 


All photos my own. Contact for more. 

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