Yesterday we went to the beach.
I was surprised by a few things. For starters,
it was free!
Normally, after Emperor on a Boat Day, beaches in Japan have a parking warden. Someone to charge you money for parking on what is, until Emperor on a Boat Day at least, free. Until then, the parking wardens obediently stay in their little mole holes and plan elaborate schemes to relieve you of your money (like those pesky parking wardens in Wellington).
This beach though? No need to worry about that. There was no gatekeeper. No fee. Just sprawling ocean as far as the eye can see.
Well, that and a company gate and grounds you have to drive through to get there. Maybe thatโs why it was free.
Still, it felt oddly liberating,
until I saw the lifeguard.
A man clearly past his prime. Mid-50s, potbelly, sunburnt like a boiled lobster. Not exactly Baywatch material. And judging by the lack of jet skis or rescue gear, I donโt think heโs saving many lives by swimming. But maybe Iโm being harsh. Maybe heโs secretly a Koi in disguise.
Still,
I wouldnโt bet my life on it.
There was one hilariously Japanese part though. A family started climbing on the rocks just outside the designated swimming ropes.
While in New Zealand, weโd yell something like,
โOi, get off the rocks!โ
in Japan you get an overweight* bright-red lifeguard reading a scripted speech over the loudspeakers.
Talk about passive aggressive.
But it worked!
The family quickly dispersed. Then a few minutes later, the lifeguard finished his speech.
Until, around 4:45 p.m., when another broadcast came on, also clearly scripted:
โThe lifeguard will be finishing their duties at 5:00 p.m. Please take care when swimming after this time.โ
Speaking of, this might surprise you.
Iโm a yamabushi (ๅฑฑไผ๏ผ, a mountain ascetic. The yama (ๅฑฑ) means mountain (look at the shape). The bushi (ไผ) is from fuseru, which means to promulgate or to be on all fours (the character is โmanโ and โdogโ, care to guess why?).
A yamabushi is therefore โone who promulgates in the mountainsโ.
Thatโs not the surprising part. The surprising part is that despite being a mountain ascetic,
my first love is water.
The ocean, the pool, rivers, to this day I swim regularly. I especially love going out into the waves and bodysurfing. That, and waterpolo of course. A sport I played for, oh,
ten or so years.
I even got third place in New Zealand three times. Never could quite make the final. Thereโs probably a metaphor in that somewhere.
Anyway, you may as well call me The Kiwi Umibushi,
one who promulgates in the ocean.
(Or The Kiwi Yamafishy?)
Such is my love of water that when I was in high school I worked as a lifeguard at a few local pools. I have very fond memories of those days; eating fish and chips while watching older women doing aquarobics, jumping off the walkway that hung from the ceiling instead of the purpose-built diving board, turning the water off and going down the aptly called Zoom Tube waterslide** on our knees for maximum speedโฆ
the list goes on.
But there was one time I had to work.
At lifeguard training they drilled it into us that we were lifeguards not lifesavers.
Huge difference.
Well, one day I was a lifesaver.
This little kid, probably only 8 years old, had gone down the waterslide and realised that he probably couldnโt swim after all. Once I realised he wasnโt joking I jumped in to get him out,
clothes, shoes, and all.
Iโll always remember this because the kid just walked off without saying a thing.
He probably went home still wondering why I was all wet!
Now, donโt get me wrong, I love the lifeguards at my local pool here in Sakata. Mr. Konno in particular is a delightful man who apparently taught himself how to swim in his 50s. He also works completely unironically as a parking warden at a local tourist attraction.
Letโs be honest though, most of the lifeguards here are probably past their prime. Things only get better, or worse, in summer after Emperor on a Boat Day when the 50m outdoor pool opens and they need more bodies on duty.
I just wish they wouldnโt choose the men in their 60s and 70s who swim with me. Sure, they can swim, maybe not quite at former-waterpolo-player-from-New-Zealand-level,
but still.
Not who you want sprinting to save you mid-drown.
Letโs give them a break though. Being a lifeguard isnโt exactly thrilling. We used to rotate our stations every 15 minutes or so just to stay sane, and even then it can get pretty boring.
To make matters worse, in Japan they have that age-old tradition of nodding off wherever they fancy. You know the one,
ๅฑ ็ ใ Inemuri: the Japanese art of sleeping on the job.
(add that to your Japan reading list)
Iโm not sure if this is still the case, but in the past it was socially acceptable to sleep on the job, something about dedication or something.
At the very least this was true for Mrs. Sato ten-odd years ago when I worked at Amarume Junior High School, the English teacher, not the science one, and in the teacherโs office, not mid-lesson, that would be too overt a display of dedication even for a Japanese person.
Needless to say, on more than one occasion, I have spotted the lifeguards at my local pool doing a bit of inemuri.
Yes. On the job.
Talk about dedication!
Speaking of, back in New Zealand, lifeguards needed two qualifications; first aid, and one specifically for lifeguards I mentioned earlier.
Iโve kept up my first aid training, thanks to being a yamabushi and doing mountain first aid courses (also because my Dad died of a heart attack. Itโs good to keep these things updated, you never know when youโll need them).
The lifeguard qualification though? Maybe when Iโm retired. Honestly, I can see myself doing it if money wasnโt an issue.
Because you know what?
I saw a job ad here for lifeguards, and the pay wasnโt that great, close to minimum wage.
In New Zealand, because you need those two qualifications the pay is generally better than minimum wage, or at least it was when I was in high school. It was a point of pride for me to earn $10.50 an hour*** working at the pool while my mates earned the $8 or so minimum wage working at Pizza Hut.
Suckers!
However, what surprised me most about the ad wasnโt the pay. It was the lack of required qualifications.
This is Japan, the land of qualifications! Obviously there is demand for it. People go for qualifications
like their lives depend on it.
They have qualifications for almost anything you can think of:
Inemuri. I kid. Thereโs no qualification for sleeping on the job. Rightfully so. Well, unless youโre The Prime Minister (true story).
Castles (!).
Ramen(!).
Tofu(!).
And, of course,
Tidying Up (Think Marie Kondo. Also, I have a friend who does this! She is fluent in English too, reach out if you want a consultation).
Anything.
Land of the Rising Sun? More like land of qualifications, am I right? You name it, Japan has a qualification for it (just search the word and ๆคๅฎ like I did).
Anything!
Well, except for lifeguards it seems.
In the land of myriad certifications (Yaoyorozu no Kentei), the only one that might save your life is optional****.
But hey, at least your tofu is in good hands.
* At least bigger people float better. Something I learned on the Lifeguarding course. Unwillingly, mind you.
** Locals know this all too well. Find where this is and you find where I worked / lived during the summer holidays after high school.
*** Which, I hate to say, is not too dissimilar to the rate I saw here some 20 years laterโฆ
**** They do have qualifications, but they ae optional, mainly for running a pool as opposed to saving lives. Itโs also an online thing, which for lifeguarding isโฆ odd.