In retrospect, if anything, this day five years ago was a reminder to live. I’m not sure he’d want many people knowing this, but if it helps even just one person to get off the couch and do what they’ve always said they’d do, then I’m sure he’d be happy to let people know.

My dad hated his job. He was a high school teacher, but it seems like he did it more out of necessity. To hate something is very strong, so I’m sure there were definitely aspects of the job that he liked. But there were also things dad told me he wanted to do, someday.

The thing is, someday doesn’t exist. It’s just a dream. If you’re wanting to do something, do it. If you’re wanting to live, live. No point waiting for the stars to align, because that might happen when you’re no longer with us, and what good is that?

Perhaps he was waiting for retirement. My dad was already receiving a pension, and he was three years away from retiring too. But even retirement isn’t guaranteed.

So for me, I’m trying to NOT be like my dad in that respect. When I have even a slight inkling that I want to do something, I’m trying hard to push myself so that I do it.

That’s a bit unfair on dad, he was working towards some things, but I want to be even more proactive, so that there is at least some positive to come from what was the saddest day of my life.

P.s. if you’ve lost someone, it really does get better with time. Just make sure you’re looking after yourself, and allow yourself to come to terms with it on your own time. Also, be sure to reach out when you feel the need. You’re never alone.

(Photo of the Sakura when dad came to Shonai in 2014)